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Making the choice to start over again

April 19, 2007

By Marites Allen

Every now and then I always receive “feng shui” inquiries pertaining to love, romance and relationship. Among these is of course the most popular and familiar four-letter word for everyone, LOVE, that is probably one of the few, if not the only thing in this world that you would keep coming back for more despite numerous hardships and misery it can bring to a person. At the risk of sounding cheesy, there is some truth to that quote. Everyone still seeks out love from another person or from a former lover after a past relationship. However, it can be equally rewarding too if the object of your affection has reciprocated your love for him/her. Sadly not everyone can be “the one” for you. One might have to meet several “wrong ones” fist before meeting the right one. There is sadness as love inevitably ends. So how does one get back on his/her feet after each sad closure? That is why friends, knowing your astrological allies and friends, can indeed help in finding that man/woman of your dreams. In summary, if you are a Boar your ideal partner is a Tiger, For a Snake it’s the Monkey, Rooster for Dragon, Rat for Ox, Horse for Sheep and Dog for Rabbit.

After a breakup, the first thing to do is to stop wallowing in self-pity and get back to your old (or rather young) vibrant and attractive self because this can help reenergize good chi and thus bring him back or find a new lover. You should do this for yourself more than anyone else. Look at it also this way: this sad ending is the chance to begin a new and happier chapter of your life. This time have a game plan and take charge of the situation. Set aside negative emotions. Talk to someone you really trust as it would help unload a great deal of unhealthy emotions.

Show your partner that you are not as weak as he thinks you are. Be strong again. This will set off good vibes and reenergize your body. If he sees you’re weak, he would thrive on it, so be strong because this would shake him. Go on and take a deep breath.

Give yourself some time to grieve, after which you would realize that your world does not end there, and that life would still go on. Later on, it would be easier to cope as lou have already let out the emotion caused by heartbreak. Turn your rage into compassion. Come to think of it, with a great person that you are, doesn’t it make you feel sorry for him that he had to look elsewhere to satisfy his needs? When you have realized this, it will be easier for you to cope.

Do not even think about placing blame on you or on him because it is such a waste of time. Both of you may have done some mistakes and could have done something to save the relationship. But what can you do, now that it’s all over? Remember that it’s him, the cheating one, who created this mess therefore you should feel less guilty about it. The affair is HIS problem after all. Regain your strength and self-confidence.

Meet him after you have decided on how you should proceed with the relationship-whether to end it or forgive him. If you’ve really had enough of his excuses and misdemeanors, then just end it. Marriages can be saved, however. Go get some counseling if you must. If you still love him, then make it easier for him to let him into your life back again.

Choose your words, and say it with a strong yet compassionate voice, be resilient but not aggressive. This might help you convince him to give up the affair. NO scolding, blaming and belittling him because he already knows what he had done. Think of what you two would throw away if the marriage was to end. Just stay calm and nurturing for a while and don’t act out of desperation.

Remember to think thoroughly of the options you have. Take note that if he still keeps the affair and is constantly lying and making excuses about it, it means he doesn’t want to end the marriage. But be also prepared that he just might throw it all away in one go. If you choose to divorce, then be prepared to be alone for sometime and that your children could suffer. But as I said earlier, this sad ending could be the beginning of a happier chapter in your life.

Asian women are sometimes dictated by tradition to accept the philandering ways of their husbands believing he would come to his senses. Some of them are okay with it as long as he comes home to her and her children. Personally, I disagree with this scenario, but as culture dictates then, we can always respect that. They’re quite admirable for having that strength. But again if you choose to end the marriage, make sure you are financially independent so that you wouldn’t have to constantly depend on him. That defeats the purpose of your separation, doesn’t it? Affairs are temporary and rarely last, according to research results in the West. So staying cool could be the best approach to it. For the meantime, arrange the feng shui of your house to bring in happiness and your straying husband as well.

And the most important thing ther is that adultery is a clear signal that something is very wrong with your marriage OR with the chi of your home. Think of what you can do to save the marriage. Take a look at the flow of energy in your home. Try applying different feng shui tips in making your house conducive to you and your husband’s well-being which includes the following:

  1. The Southwest (SW) segment of your house is where love reigns, so pay special attention to it! The SW governs the luck of love, romance and family happiness.
  2. Place a pair of mandarin ducks in the SW corner of your bedroom to activate your love life. Mandarin ducks symbolize love and romance.
  3. The double happiness emblem is excellent for activating marriage luck as it enhances your married life and brings eternal love in your relationship. Singles can benefit from this too by placing it in the SW corner of your home or bedroom, or carry it anywhere with you in your wallet or purse.
  4. Stimulate romance by placing a chandelier in the SW corner of your home. Doing this will introduce fire in this segment to bring love luck.
  5. Suitors and marriage opportunities will come when you put soft or pastel colored lampshades with muted lighting in the Southwest. It becomes eve more potent if the lamp is decorated with double happiness symbol.
  6. Natural crystals or rose quartz are regarded as one of the best symbols of mother earth. Rose quartz crystals and rose quartz gem trees will bring you lots of love luck by placing them in the SW corner of your living room, bedroom or garden to activate for love.
  7. Furthermore, DO NOT joint two single beds together to form a single bed because it would surely break up any relationship you are in.
  8. If you are single, DO NOT display pictures of only yourself in your bedroom. It is much better for you to have pictures of you with your friends so you would never be lonely.
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